Wednesday, April 18, 2007

Blogger's Block

I am sure you are wondering what has happened to me over the past several weeks. I assure you, nothing devestating, or even remotely compelling to my not being on here. In fact, several blog worthy events occured during my writing absence that I am sorry you were not able to enjoy. The plain truth is that I have Blogger's Block.

I am convinced this is as valid as any "writer's block" but maybe even more difficult to overcome. Because I blog about our every day life (I still can't believe you actually read about our every day life) there are potential posts happening all around me, every day. The material for writing is really unending. And in the moment I am inspired to sit down and share the latest anecdote. But then life in Odd just seems to happen, and my priotities get shifted to other things (like laundry), and I find myself, once again, entirely unable to call upon that part of my brain which houses important information, like language skills. And really, I don't think you want me to blog in Toddler-ese. Although I am quite fluent.

So, today I decided to simply babble, hopefully share some of the bigger events in Odd, and get past my Block.

To be honest, one of the reasons I have been less than talkative is a quandry I am in over how to announce our latest news. With that grand and sweeping statement, let me just tell you now, that...

Yes, we are expecting a new little person in November.

Well, you ask, what was my quandry? I will tell you. Do I make the annoucement as I just did, with no big hoopla or attached statement on our religious convictions which brought about this 6th child? Or do I offer our entire treatise on why children are a blessing, birth control is for "sissies" *wink*, and God has better control of our lives than we ever could, so why not trust him with the big stuff and not just the little things, like eternal salvation? How do I expose our heart for a large family without thrusting unintentioned condemnation upon you for your beliefs and conviction, while simultaneously remembering that this is our Odd, not yours, and we make no apologies for where God has taken us - we love it! Can I simply state that God has indeed been good, and we are with child at the pleasure and mercy of our Lord? Can you believe that we are welcoming of this life, with no doubts that it is the best for us; but yet understand that in our humaness it can still be hard to battle morning sickness, budgeting, space, sibling relationships, and the mounting displeasure of those whose philosophies contradict ours in so many ways? Can I say, I am feeling really terrible today, and not get the "cute" response of: Well, you are the one that decided to have another? Or when I am overwhelmed with a day of discipline and child training have something other than the encouraging words of: You do know how this happens, right? What about the immediate assumptions that: we must be done; we are only trying for another boy; this one was an accident; we are on government aid; my children do not feel loved... and the list grows and grows.

Do you think I don't hear others whispering? Do you think the jokes, and passive aggressive inuendos do not hurt my feelings, causing me to feel like a social leper? Did it somehow happen that we became unaware of exactly how many children we have, the state of our home financially, emotionally, and the cost it would take on our whole family if we were to be blessed with a new person?

Do you honestly believe we thought about our decision?

Do you honestly believe we hold to a conviction that calls us to die to self, pick up our cross and follow the One who was willing to lay his own life down for those that did not even know how to love him? (Matt 10:38; Rom 5:8)

For unto us a child is born, and you shall call his name Immanuel, God with us. (Isa 9:6; Isa 7:14)

One child makes all the difference.