Wednesday, June 06, 2012

20% More

It used to be the unmatched ratio between packaged hot dogs and hot dog buns. Then it became water bottle and thermos sizes too large for vehicle cup holders. But I am now happy to report that there is a new pet peeve in town.

20% more toilet paper on the roll.

First of all, I have no idea why our culture is so obsessed with everything being bigger. If it worked when it was size x it will work better at size x + 5%... 10%... 20%... In case you question my point you may use the example of Starbuck's Trenta Frappuccino. It is 31 ounces, averages 800 calories, and is roughly the size of the human stomach. Seriously, we need to purchase a frozen whipped drink that can fill an empty stomach and provide over 1/3 of the average adult's caloric needs in one fell swoop? (My husband just asked if he could order a Trenta espresso. I won't comment.)

But I digress - toilet paper rolls.

It is becoming increasingly difficult to find toilet paper rolled into sizes that actually FIT my toilet paper holder. Do manufacturer's not realize that the standard clearance of nearly all wall mount holders (and I won't even address recess mounted holders) do not provide enough space for one of these newer behemoths? I get the extraordinary pleasure of breaking off one square of toilet paper at a time for the first few days of use because the roll won't turn freely until it is roughly 20% smaller. Apparently it saves me  from the horribly inconvenient act of replacing the toilet paper roll - something tantamount to WWIII - for another 37.2 hours. Those are marketable statistics.

I can't decide how best to handle this new gem. Out of a maniacal desire to simply protest I briefly entertained the idea of installing one of those dispensers that doles out toilet paper in single, pre folded sheets. Then I thought I struck gold with the idea of buying a commercial dispenser that uses a roll roughly the size of my car's tire. This would be perfect! I could even lock the thing so only licensed employees of the Randall Corporation were allowed access to change the roll. This would ensure the correct over/under position of each replacement roll for generations to come.

Until they make the roll 20% larger and it stops fitting in the dispenser.

1 comment:

  1. Hey the commercial dispenser is not a bad idea!!! You could get the one with 3 rolls so you only have to change it like once a week!!