The Ride Home

Play: The Ride Home
Players:
Christopher, 35 - Daddy
Trisha, 33 - Mama
Hannah, 8.5
Bethany, 6.5
Caleb, 4
Leah, 3
Mary, 22 months
Stage: Interior Ford Econoline 12-passenger van. Baby plays synthesized nursery rhyme music during entire scene, never letting one song completely finish before changing it to a new one - or better yet, repeating the one she just failed to complete. Christopher is driving, Trisha is in the front passenger seat. Mary is in a car seat, in the middle of the row directly behind Christopher and Trisha. Caleb and Leah share the bench behind Mary with "no man's land" between their car seats. Hannah and Bethany are in boosters in the very last row of seating.
Lighting - dark. Time - coming home in the evening from church.

Act 1: Scene 1
The First Five Minutes

Leah: My name is Leah. See, Mama I put it on the "magadoodle".
Caleb: Leah, Seah, Meah, Weah
Leah: NO Caleb, my name is LEE-AH.
song playing: There was a farmer had a dog and...
Bethany: Hannah, how do you spell "road sign"?
Caleb: Geah, Veah, Deah
Leah: AAHHH, NO Caleb, my name is LEE-AH.
Hannah: Bethany Rhode Island is off the coast of Virginia.
Mama: Caleb stop antagonizing your sister. Leah, stop yelling and ask politely the first time.
Daddy: No Hannah, Rhode Island is not off the coast of Virginia. It is close to Connecticut. (to me): I've been to Rhode Island. It is called the Ocean State.
Mama: Rhode Island is called the Ocean State?
Caleb: California is the biggest state.
Daddy: Not quite buddy. (to me): Yep.
Hannah: Its probably Alaska or Texas.
Leah: Are we there yet? Are we there yet? Are we there yet?
song playing: Mary had a little lamb, little lamb, little lamb...
Caleb: The biggest state is Elasta-girl?
Bethany: When we get home can I bake something?
Daddy (to me): Interstate 95, and then Interstate 195 which runs between Rhode Island to Connecticut, then into Rhode Island hugs the coast line so much that when you drive it you feel like you have been on it forever, even though you have gone very little distance on the map. I remember thinking, "I must have gone further than this!"
Mama: Leah, stop repeating yourself.
Mary: SQUEAL! SQUAWK!
Caleb: The far-est state is America.
Hannah: We live in America, Caleb. It's not a state it is a nation. We live in California.
Caleb: Na ah, Hannah. I told Mama that the far-est state is America.
Hannah: Caleb, stop it! That isn't true.
Mama: Hannah, when you were his age did we insist on you always getting every answer right? Or did we allow you to make mistakes, and not over-correct you all the time?
Hannah: You let me make mistakes.
Mama: So you brother deserves the same chance. I am perfectly capable of correcting him, if I need or want to.
Bethany: Leah, stop pulling on the seat belt.
Caleb: Can we listen to music?
song playing: Ring around the rosy, a pocket full of posies...
Leah: Mama, I big! Yeah, I big and I Leah. I bigger than Caleb.
Caleb: NO your small.
Leah: No, I big.
Mary: SQUAWK!
Bethany: Hannah, how so you spell "road sign"?
Hannah: r-o-a-d space
Daddy (to me): Do you know what the first state in the union was?
Hannah: s-i-h-n
Mama: "Sign" is not spelled with an "h", it is s-i-G-n. (to Christopher): Virginia?
Hannah: Oh, that's right.
Daddy: No, but that's a good guess.
Caleb: Leah its my turn! You had it all this time and now I get to play with the magnadoodle.
Mama: Maryland?
Leah: No Caleb. I bigger. You can't have it!
Bethany: Leah, you have had a long turn. Give it to Caleb.
Hannah: Did you know that there was a man that walked around the entire world?
Daddy (to me): No, but that is another good guess. (to Hannah): What do you mean he walked around the entire world? Did he walk across each continent?
Caleb: I want the magnadoodle!
Mama: Caleb, Leah is having a turn for this ride. Next time we are in the van you can have a turn with the magnadoodle.
Hannah: I don't know. But he wore out 21 pairs of shoes doing it.
Daddy: Wow! That's a lot of walking.
Caleb: How far is it to get to San Diego?
Bethany: Hannah, how so you spell Del Rey Oaks?
Daddy: Depends on how you got there. You could take a plane to get there fast.
Caleb: What about real slow?
Mama: Then you would walk.
song playing: This old man, he played one, he played knick knack...
Caleb: How long would it take you to walk there?
Hannah: D-e-l space
Daddy: About 3 months.
Leah: I see the ocean Mama! I saw a shark!
Hannah: R-e-y space
Caleb: Can you promise me that just me and you will walk to San Diego Daddy? It can be a special treat.
Leah: And I saw a whale. A REALLY big whale.
Daddy: Buddy, I don't know if I can promise you that. But we will do special man treats as you get bigger. (to me): So, do you know what the first state in the Union was?
Mama: A whale Leah? Wow! That's pretty cool. (to Christopher): I give up, which one?
Hannah: O-a-k-s. That was easy.
Daddy: Delaware.
Mary: SQUEAL!


Act 1: Scene 2
The Next Five Minutes
Repeat