Sunday, October 07, 2012

My Psalm

It is generally considered good advice to write publicly about things that you have already processed. You know, stuff over which you've already had emotional closure so that you can somewhat objectively share your heart. Perhaps it is also a safety precaution so when other people respond to you in ways that might be hurtful you aren't quite so tender. Yep, it is definitely a good idea to wait before spilling your guts.

But I don't have that luxury right now.

I am hurting. My pain might not be what you think it is, and come to think of it, it doesn't really matter. It could be a difficult marriage or a troubled teenager. Perhaps it is a medical concern or a loved one's diagnosis. Perhaps it is the same thing that brings tears to your eyes. In fact, let's pretend it is, because what I have to say applies just as much to you as it does to me.

We need help! I need help!

I don't know how to keep on keeping on. I feel hopeless. Lost. And not a little scared. What if this isn't a season? What if this doesn't do the, "and this too shall pass" thing that everyone likes to say in that breezy, overly confident manner we use when someone else's pain hits just a little too close to home? How do I escape the sense that I'm being swallowed by a numbness that I can't even define?

I want to speak a word to myself. I need to hear this. I need you to listen for me, too. I need this to be loud and public because I'm afraid that if I just let it ruminate in the back of my mind it might start to sound fake, cheap and shallow. But it can't. It must ring with authenticity, hope and a truth so solid that nothing in me can contradict it.

His [Jesus Christ] grace is sufficient. His strength is made perfect in my weakness. He loves me. And He IS my savior.

He saves me from my pain, my fatigue, my fear of failure. He saves me from my brokenness, my sin and my ego. He saves me from my maladies, my idiosyncrasies, my hypocrisy. He saves me from the ridicule of others, the criticism of my enemies, the naive assumptions made about me and my family. He saves me from a life lived in futility, a life filled with the uncertainty that there is a good God and He really does save sinners. 

He saves me from myself. 

I need saving. I need it right now. I need to be reminded that when I mess up I don't lose it all. I need a gentle touch, but perhaps I don't and He is willing to bring me to humility because He really does have my best interest at heart. He knows. He understands. He walks this path with me and sees the hurt, the thing eating at me, the thing eating at you.

Jesus Christ. King of Kings and Lord of Lords. The Alpha and the Omega. The Beginning and the End. The Author of Life, Redeemer of the Lost, Savior to the World. The great I Am.

He. Is. My. God. And He will raise me up like an eagle soaring into the heavens. He will deliver me from my affliction. He will testify to my salvation. He will anoint my head with the oil of gladness. He will call my name, and He will come running when I see Him from afar. 

He is faithful. And He will do it.

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