Gagging on Tums

The following will make little sense to you if you have not first read my blog entry: And Now... A Word From Our Sponsor. 

My mom thought that Gaviscon would get a kick out of hearing from one of their satisfied customers, and so emailed the link to the above-mentioned blog entry. She received the following reply a short while later.

We have received your e-mail regarding Gaviscon® antacid.

It's always a pleasure to hear from a satisfied customer and we're glad to hear that you are enjoying such good results from using our product. 

We think it's a great product as well and it's good to know that it's working so well for you. We appreciate your taking the time to contact us and will pass along your communication to some of the other people who are on the Gaviscon® team. We all love messages like yours!

The blog from the link, indicated that your daugter was trying to gag down on Tums. We would like to personally address her concerns. So please have her call one of our Representatives at the number listed below.

She can reach us toll-free at 1-800-897-7535 weekdays between 9:00 a.m. and 4:30 p.m. Eastern Time. When she calls, please have her refer to the Case ID number below and have the product in hand. We appreciate your taking the time to contact us.

Sincerely,

Uma

GlaxoSmithKline Consumer Healthcare

I was intrigued, to say the least, by the fact that they obviously read my blog, and were interested in following up with my Tums ordeal. Was I being chosen to be a new spokeswoman? Were they going to ask if they could reimburse me in order to use my testimony? I figured I was easily on my way to independent wealth.

I called, and after the initial frustration of being on hold for 15 minutes, being disconnected during a transfer, and then waiting an additional 1o minutes to get back to a human I was finally explaining to the GlaxoSmithKline representative the reason for my call.

Yes, we are concerned with your struggle to "gag down Tums." We want to make sure you are okay.

Oh. Ummm, well, yes I am fine.

Because we don't want anyone gagging down their antacid. Was their a particular problem you were facing?

Uhh, a particular problem? I just don't like them.

So they were causing you to gag?

Do you know what a blog is?

Yes.

Well, I write a blog about my life and my family. I sometimes use the entries to make funny anecdotes. I wrote this blog in the style of an old TV commercial, and was using figurative language to express my distaste for Tums. I don't like the texture, the taste, and I don't find the job they do sufficient enough to warrant sacrificing these unpleasantries. 

So, it is the taste you just don't like?

Right. I mean, I am not trying to swallow them whole or anything!

Okay. I am glad to hear that.

*laughing* Oh goodness, no! I just made an exaggerated statement to communicate my thoughts more clearly. I am surprised that you are so concerned about my dislike for Tums. I wouldn't have thought a company would care so much about someone's thoughts regarding a competitive product. Unless... do you make Tums as well?

Yes, we do.

Ahhh! That explains all of this! I couldn't figure out why, more than my glowing report of Gaviscon, the email was so intent on my disappointment with Tums. Well, let me thank you for your concern but, I know how to eat them. I am not trying to swallow 10 of them whole. I simply do not like the taste, and do not find them very successful in managing my pregnancy induced heartburn.

And with that we ended our conversation, with me barely controlling my laughter until I hung up the phone. Apparently, had I been more interested in gleaning  untold amounts of wealth as a Gaviscon spokesman, I should have done a bit more research on the company, including the many other products they no doubt manufacture. Perhaps I should have used Rolaids as my nemesis. But then that would not have been true, since I have no idea if Rolaids is effective on my heartburn or not. Although I get the feeling advertising agencies, and indeed manufacturing companies themselves are not always interested in the truth.