Under The Water At Lexi's Party

I considered passing by this blog-worthy event because I feared my readership might be weary of Leah-isms. Similar to my own threshold for Knock-Knock jokes, could it be possible that you grow tired of hearing the anecdotes taken from my children's mouths? It is possible - but the fact remains that Odd is not Odd because I have one child who never reinvents my parental platitudes with their own unique bent. No, Odd is what it is because of events like the one I am about to share, and you wouldn't be reading if it weren't so... well, Odd.

As a backdrop for the following statement, you must understand something. Some 16 weeks ago (December 9th, to be exact) my children attended an indoor swim party for a friend's birthday. Leah became so enamored with the event that we have scarcely gone a single evening without her mentioning, "I went under the water at Lexi's party." It has almost replaced the mindless sayings all families use, like, "God bless you," at a sneeze or, "excuse me," when you bump someone. In our house you could simply say, "I went under the water at Lexi's party," and I seriously doubt anyone would even blink. She already knows that she wants a Lexi party for her own birthday (she doesn't separate the party's owner with the event location, and can not simply call it, say, "the pool"). Bearing all this in mind, Leah sat down next to me tonight and calmly explained the following:

I went under the water at Lexi's party (this statement no longer requires any response, being now used as a way to introduce any number of topics, and akin to "hello" in my daughter's vocabulary). I bumped my head on my arm, right here (she points to an imagined wound on her arm, which never came into any contact with her head under the water at Lexi's party or elsewhere). And now my head gave me a blood-scrape. See?

Here, she gave me one of her more fantastical looks, which are making her famous among those who have IRL (in real life) knowledge of my curly-haired imp, and trotted off to pretend obedience to the bedtime ritual.

Yo Cuz, part II

I had the unique pleasure of visiting with yet another Amish cousin last night, David. If you recall, I had the opportunity to visit with David's younger brother Michael just last year in June, so I've been on a bit of a kick getting to see my Amish cousins of late. You see, David is a pilot with Express Jet airlines, and the good Lord brought David through Monterey on one of his flights. I was blessed when I got an email from David last week and he suggested we get together. He had about a 22 hour layover, and it would give us the opportunity to have dinner together, and allow him to meet the family.

Trisha had a meeting at the church, so it was a bit crazy managing all six of the kids and hosting a small-scale dinner party. But, we had an awesome time together, catching up after 18 years of not seeing each other. It was neat to hear how God was working in David's life, and how life is treating he and his family, as well as share what God is doing in our life.

David promises to come visit again as Express Jet allows him Monterey layovers in the future. We're praying he and his wife Kathy and their children Abby and Gavin will have a chance to come and visit in the future as well!

Praise God!

facebook

There is a new phenomenon (or perhaps not quite so new, but I am just now learning about it which makes it new to me) called facebook. It is an online networking community, similar to MySpace (which was totally lost on me), but supposedly designed for an older crowd - in internet years that includes me. So, I joined. It has some pretty fun stuff, like games you can play with your friends, photos you can share, little places where you write messages on other people's profiles. It has the air of maturity, calling things "networks", and "groups" but in essence it is about how many friends you can accrue. I am sadly lacking! For instance, of the ten people who have deigned to be my friend (and one of those is my hubby, and is under obligation to acknowledge me) there are no fewer than a combined total of 862 friends. EIGHT HUNDRED & SIXTY TWO. Read it again. It's a good thing I am so mature, and not easily caught up in popularity wars.

Said very quickly, in the "Announcer of all things Legal" voice:

Go sign up for a facebook account immediately, and flood Trisha's inbox with friend requests so she can be cool, and have lots of people in her "network".

What It Takes

Easter is often thought of as that special day when the whole family puts on their new spring clothes, everyone looks beautiful, and pictures are taken for family and friends to see. It is, in essence, a highly photo-opportunity-rich event. At least that is how it works in the real world. In Odd... things always seem just a bit different. Here is a look at what it took to get this one photo. 

2/21 - win eBay auction for new Easter dresses after grueling hours of searching for, and finding the right ones
3/10 - get dresses in the mail, and try them on to make sure they actually fit
3/20 - ask girlfriend to be prepared to take picture of family when we get to church Sunday morning
3/22 - check dresses to make sure they are clean, pressed, and ready for tomorrow - run out to buy last minute nylons for girls, and slip for Hannah, stop at grocery store to buy fresh salad fixings for Easter dinner - set out everyone's outfit - chat with hubby about the following day
EASTER DAY
7:53am - alarm goes off... hit snooze once
8:01 - up, shower on and getting warm
8:17 - out of shower, baby waking
8:26 - downstairs, semi-dressed, baby changed, now nursing
8:39 - discuss with hubby plan of attack for day, baby still nursing
8:51 - baby still nursing, hubby in shower
8:56 - baby burped, in swing, Leah is awake and already "dressed", start blow drying hair
9:02 - hubby out of shower & waking up rest of kids, hair still drying, curling iron plugged in - Mary insisting on sitting on potty for 7 hours to go potty, Caleb asking 50 million questions, girls wanting to have me make them beautiful immediately
9:07 - hair dry, directing girls (while curling hair) to get their underclothes on, directing hubby on what clothes were picked out for littler people, keeping an eye on Leah
9:10 - curling hair, helping older girls with underclothes, Leah is showing me her new pretty dress
9:14 - curling Bethany's hair, Caleb wants to show me how handsome he is
9:21 - curling Hannah's hair, Mary wants to show me how beautiful she is
9:24 - get Bethany dressed in new Easter dress
9:29 - get Hannah dressed in new Easter dress, list off to hubby what needs to happen with the diaper bag, make adjustments to Hannah's new slip which requires finding two safety pins
9:35 - put make-up on Bethany, and add a "barrel" curl to her hair so it looks how she wants it to look
9:37 - simultaneously work on Bethany's hair and double check that everyone is on track
9:42 - remind Leah that I will put her hair up when I am done with the older girls
9:46 - put make-up on Hannah, clip Bethany's hair out of her eyes
9:51 - throw some make-up on myself
9:53 - put Leah's hair up, check diaper bag
9:55 - load up the van for special Easter brunch at church, drinking homemade chai on the way out the door
10:02 - pull out of driveway, everyone is fed, burped, powdered, cleaned, pressed, combed, perfumed, diapered, and hungry
10:09 - arrive at Bagel Bakery to buy plain bagels so when we get to brunch at church we don't have to worry about there not being food choices for the kids with all their allergies
10:15 - back on the road after changing our order 3 times because they didn't have enough of our first choices to fill our standard order
10:19 - almost to church...
WE FORGOT OUR CAMERA!
10:24 - arrive at church, 30 minutes before service starts and still miss most of the brunch goodies!
10:39 - making small chat with everyone, keeping an eye on all 6 little people running around, making sure dresses stay nice, trying to see if camera in phone will work for a group photo (that's laughable)
11:00 - Resurrection Sunday service starts (It Was Wonderful!)
11:42 - children dismissed for Children's Church and (under pain of death if they soil their clothes) are released from our pew
12:19pm - service dismissed
12:21 - hubby trying to procure a camera from someone to take a picture
12:23 - pick Josiah up from the nursery, check to make sure we have all sippy cups from the 2's and 3's for Leah and Mary
12:29 - hubby finds someone with a camera... but no flash card
12:32 - kids getting hungry we decide we are just going to need to get home and take a picture later when we are at our Aunt's house and who cares if we are in plain clothes... if someone wants a picture of all 8 of us at one time they can take it themselves!
12:37 - loading kids in van, who are breaking down from the constant "go" of the morning (not to mention the constant "go" of the past 3 days with park outings, friends spending the night, birthday parties to attend)
12:41 - finally find the second sippy cup in the church, leave church parking lot with at least 3 kids crying
12:57 - pulling into driveway and get bright idea to have the next door neighbor come over and take our picture really quickly before we put everyone down for naps so they can be sane for an entire afternoon/evening back out of the house
12:59 - next door neighbor taking a nap, but willing to help us out
1:03 - open front door and Leah literally runs upstairs to get in her bed for a nap, Josiah is crying for a nursing, Caleb is upset because we told everyone they were taking a rest before Auntie's and he doesn't think he needs it
1:07 - next door neighbor comes over, show him how to run our camera, set up what might be a good composition, try not to worry about how exhausted everyone is
1:10 - picture taken!
1:13 - bring everyone inside, take off Easter clothes, hang everything up, get everyone in bed, hubby and I change out of our clothes
1:27 - change Josiah, start nursing
1:39 - still nursing, chatting with hubby about the rest of the day, plans to make the salad, needing to get the picture uploaded and on the blog
1:48 - baby done nursing, downloading picture
1:53 - find 2 decent pictures in the ones taken, one looking great of me, one looking great of everyone else
2:06 - working on face swapping the good pic of me into the good pic of everyone else, hubby doing up few dishes
2:35 - hubby outside watering the lawn, still working on face swapping (it was a very unflattering pic of me)
2:51 - finish face swap! Start making salad
3:14 - wake everyone up from their "nap", promise to get back to pic and write post tomorrow, reload diaper bag, change out of pajamas into "nice" play clothes, pile into the van, head out the door for more fun!!!
3/24 - (I won't bore you with the other details of my morning so far, suffice it to say we are busy enough) Write blog to go with picture

And there you have it... what it takes to just "snap" a picture of my family!

The Tale of Two Men

This is Hannah's first creative writing assignment. She is learning about storytelling, and using her imagination to build character development. I copied her text exactly, so you could enjoy all her nuances in vocabulary, and style. The reference she makes to Dubia is better explained here.

The Tale of Two Men.

Once there was two men.Those two men lived close to each other.Their names were: James and Tyler.James was 22, & Tyler was 20. Oh yea, did I tell you that those men were SELFISH! You would think they where very good men, but when they went shopping with their wives, they would act like little kids, only with food, not with toys. One day they secretly left their wives that, by now they wish they never married in the first place, and their kids. They were going to a place called Dubia, that was in the shape of a palm tree!When they were, say...half way there the ship that they were on caught on fire! It was caused by two men...James & Tyler! They were forced to leave, but they got a piece of wood that served as a raft.That night was the worst night they had ever experienced in their life.About a hour later, they heard a voice saying: "grab on to the rope". They could not belive their eyes, it was their wives!They had to answer. "okay". When they got back they all had a feast, and James and Tyler learned never to be selfish again and to love their wives and kids.And they all lived happly ever after.
~ THE END ~

non sequitur

A normal conversation in our household:

Bethany - I made the beds, Mama. Is there anything else I need to do?

Mama - I don't think so, sweetie. Have you finished your other chores?

Bethany - Yep.

Mama - Great. You can go outside.

Caleb - Speaking of, can I have a glass of lemonade?

Wound

Caleb just came in from playing outside, perfectly calm but with his arm stuck out towards me.

Mama, I got this and I need you to take care of it. (He shows me his arm, with a scratch on it.)

Hmm, is it bad?

Uh huh. It has a lot of blood, see?

Well, that looks pretty substantial.

Yeah, I don't think I'm gonna survive.

No?

He shakes his head.

What do you think I can do to fix it?

You probably need to put a band-aid on it. (He sighs, ostensibly from the effort of managing this hugely inconvenient war-wound.)

Alright. You go grab the band-aid box and I will put on one.

It's just so big! This is a Daddy-sized boo-boo. It definitely needs a band-aid.

Hey Caleb, let me take a picture of it.

Oh yeah, good idea Mama. That way you can show everyone how big it is.

That was exactly what I was thinking, son.

Who Owns Your Kids?

Who owns your children? Who has the right to make decisions regarding the welfare of your children? Who really has the best interest of your children in mind (emotionally, physically and spiritually)? I ponder these issues because, well, I have several children who I believe God granted to me and my husband in order to raise a godly offspring for His glory. I also ponder these matters because of a recent court opinion handed down at the end of February stating that home education is not a viable option in my home state of CA, as it does not uphold the state's constitution which declares that a person has a right to, "A general diffusion of knowledge and intelligence being essential to the preservation of the rights and liberties of the people, the Legislature shall encourage by all suitable means the promotion of intellectual, scientific, moral, and agricultural improvement." Don't even get me started... too late.

The first, and I believe fundamental issue that is never going to be adequately dealt with in a secular court of law is the right of ownership. Exactly to whom do children belong? If they belong to themselves then they should have full authority to make decisions regarding their own well-being. Their judgement should be fully accepted for their welfare. But children don't belong to themselves, as is evidenced by the need of management for the most basic of needs. Children can not be trusted to make the best decisions for their welfare when left wholly to their own authority. But what if children belong to the government? If this is the case then the government, both local and national, holds a huge responsibility to train, guide, direct, nurture, and let's not forget love these mini-citizens. But the government can't tuck a small child into bed when he is running a fever. The government doesn't take the time to learn the nuances of each tiny person, and whether they prefer to be rocked or bounced when suffering from indigestion. No, I think the only answer left is that children belong to their parents. But even this is not accurate, and hence my opinion for why we will never get to the bottom of this in a court of law, because children don't even belong to their parents, really. They ultimately belong to God.

My children were given to me by an awesome, all-powerful, sovereign God. The truth of this should strike some good old fashioned fear into the hearts of parents. For example, if you had a boss that trusted you with one of his most prized possessions how would you treat that possession? Chances are you would guard it with your life, making sure to take every measure possible to protect and sustain it. Bingo. Children are that prized possession, and God will take an accounting of my parenting. Parents should not make decisions solely based on what they think is best - they ought to make decisions based on what the Word of God says is true, and the Word of God is not silent on moral, physical, or even intellectual training not to mention spiritual maturation. Humor me while I share a few...

James 1:21 tells us to get rid of all moral filth within us. Parents will be held responsible for training their children in ridding themselves of moral filth, teaching them to be decent, honest, good, and above reproach in all their life's dealings.

Then we read in 2 Thessalonians 3:10-12 that it is good for men to earn their own living! If they don't work, then perhaps they shouldn't eat. Hmm, interesting notion, especially in light of some of our more controversial welfare policies...

When establishing His tabernacle, God gave particular talent to craftsmen in order to accomplish the work (Exodus 31:2-5). Scripture teaches through the workmanship required of the Israelites that God was pleased with specialized talent. While it is the Spirit who gives gifts and talents in all areas, it is usually the work of discerning parents who bring those talents to light. It is certainly their responsibility to begin the process of unearthing the natural bents and dispositions of their children, so that through training and guidance those smallish people might become contributing adults.

Finally in Romans 12:2 the apostle Paul tells us that we must learn to discern God's will, through mental acuity, by testing what we learn with the Word of God. This requires intelligence, and a regular use of your BRAIN! In order to understand more than "Jesus loves me" you must begin to study language, history, geography, math, science, as well as training yourself in the actual art of study itself. Paul often quoted poets and philosophers from within the cultural context of the day, and we do well to understand the moors of our times by studying the prevailing thinkers. God is not afraid of knowledge.

Of course I have grossly oversimplified the parental role, but if I were to list all the items, big and small, that truly go into raising a child this post would never end! Suffice it to say, I find it HIGHLY ironic that our government assumes it can assert a right which it doesn't actually have (abdicating parents have given it to them) in order to force moral, intellectual and physical growth in children with whom it doesn't have a personal relationship. The truth is that in order to sustain, and support our state’s constitution private family sanctity must be upheld. God designed families to particularly equip young men and women for adulthood. Within a family a child learns affection, responsibility, loyalty, diligence, grace, honesty, and integrity by participating in the activities which contribute to the overall well-being of his home. Does this work 100% of the time? Of course not! It would be foolish to use such a standard to measure its success. But that is what happens often times. When regarding institutionalized care, government officials are often lackadaisical about the statistics for 100% success, sighting the curve towards progress rather than real progress itself. But those same officials are often eager to point out one abomination within an individual family as support for aborting familial rights altogether. Even so, you simply cannot deny that individuals raised with caring, conscientious parents in a grounded home grow up to be successful contributing members of society as opposed to their counterparts raised within government run institutions. Most people don’t argue this point. It is one of the reasons we have such a vast network of foster families working to place children into permanent homes. So, if we can recognize that a family is by far the better place for the development of the child in emotional, spiritual, and moral matters, why is it such a shock that intellectual training be superior as well? If you still question this logic call Harvard, and ask them their take on accepting home educated children... their answer might surprise you.

All of this is to say that God gave children to parents, for better or worse, to train them diligently in all aspects of growth so that through that training those children might become strong citizens in their culture, lighting the way for future generations to come to salvation in Jesus Christ.

Lipstick

I went shopping for lipstick yesterday with a girlfriend (not Jill, demon-of-all-things-chai). Lipstick is hard to figure out for me. For instance, do you buy the really bright red, that makes your lips look like you just stepped out of a circa 1940's photo shoot; or do you wear the soft, frosted peach that resembles Barbie? I had to make sure I didn't end up with some Texas Pink, which needs no further description because we have ALL seen this one, and nobody needs to see it on me. And lastly, I really didn't want another neutral that added the idea of lip-color without actually accomplishing the purpose. So there I am, standing at the Macy's counter using swab after swab trying to discover the crystal ball of lipstick-on-the-back-of-the-hand routine when my friend lets out a little sigh.

What?

You sure are taking a long time just to pick out a single lipstick.

Well, I need to make sure I am going to like it. You just automatically know what lipstick you are going to like?

No, but it doesn't take me this long to decide.

How do you choose?

I just grab what I like.

But what if what you like ends up not being what you like when you get it home? I mean, if I am going to spend this much money on a tube of lipstick I want to make sure that I really like it.

So you are shopping for a year-round look?

Yes! You think I want to go through this much agony multiple times a year??? Well... how do you figure out what shade you like so quickly.

I don't know. I just get what strikes me.

She then proceeds to pull out of her purse at least 5 tubes of color in all differing brands and shades. Cheater! I guiltlessly went back to scrutinizing between "Lustrous" and "Pink Spice." In the end "Pink Spice" by Clinique won the day, with a hint of frost, enough pink to show, but neutral enough to be worn all year. Now I just have to get in the habit of actually putting it on instead of Blistex.

I'm Sorry

Let me just start by saying that if you haven't already figured out that Leah is "special" you need to read all the blogs labelled Leah on the sidebar. Go now - this post will still be here when you are finished.

For the rest of you...

Leah tends to run off, without permission. She especially likes this behavior at church, where our spiritual discernment in training her righteously might be seen at its fullest. In fact, Wednesday nights during our church's AWANA program is a particular favorite of hers. It is always very humbling to have YOUR child be the one lost from the group where both you and your husband are bona fide leaders!

Well, tonight was no different, and as soon as Cubbies were dismissed Leah was missing. She pulled this stunt more than once, and earned the promised reward of a spanking when she got home. Daddy made good on his promise, and during their reconciliation time she repented for having run away, specifically for running into the parking lot without an adult. She knows this is a huge no-no because of possible traffic. This is exactly what she said:

Please forgive me Daddy for running away. I'm sorry I got hit by a car.

Maybe this explains everything else.

Words Only

I think I might have a problem. You see I am beginning to see life in terms of blog posts. And I am kicking myself for opportunities lost! For instance, I just spent the better part of the past week and a half redecorating my kitchen, based on a new KitchenAid mixer in RED. And then I worked to transfer my whole office from a desk and file cabinet in a room to a hutch in my living room. Josiah now occupies the space in my office. But in both these instances I have NO BEFORE AND AFTER PHOTOS!! What was I thinking? You can't see how I used the top of my horizontal file cabinet as a changing table, or how the top two drawers were emptied and now are used as dresser drawers for Josiah's clothes. You can't appreciate the transformation from catch-me-all hutch to stunning office, which I completed by purchasing a 2" wood-boring drill bit to make precisely cut cord openings in the back of the hutch so that when the doors of the hutch are closed there are no unsightly cords hanging about. Oh what I wouldn't give to have had the presence of mind to snap off a few "process" pics of the transition from cradle to crib for Josiah. Alas, I have nothing to show for all my work, and hence nothing but words to give you in this post. At least you may know that I have not forgotten to blog. And if you are in the neighborhood you can stop by and see my new red kitchen, office hutch, and nursery.

Baby Doll or Baby Brother

Caleb was holding Josiah for me while I finished up a few things in preparation of nursing the baby. My little helper decided he had "helped" enough, and was trying to figure out a way to pick Josiah up and carry him to his swing. As Caleb began to rock forward I noticed his hold on Josiah turn precarious, and told him he wasn't strong enough to pick him up from a sitting position.

He isn't a doll, Caleb. You can't just try and pick him up like that. He is a whole little person, and if you dropped him he could be very hurt.

Yeah, and we're tryin' to keep him alive.

Pretty much.

Just A Sunday Night

I love evenings like tonight. There isn't anything out of the ordinary, expensive, or even planned about them... they just happen. All the same components can be mixed together and result in completely different dynamics. The inability to reproduce the sweetness, on demand, makes it all the more enjoyable. So what was so special about tonight? Just my family, having dinner, sharing conversation, watching a movie, and loving one another.

Dinner:
meatloaf; sweet potato soup; salad; baking powder biscuits - no leftovers
Conversation:
girls - talking about getting married when they get older; boys - talking about anything that makes noise and might cause bleeding
Movie:
Lady and the Tramp

Loving One Another - priceless

Mary

Mary Ellen is a cutie. She flirts shamelessly with her Daddy, and smiles for the camera any time one is pointed in her general direction. Although she hardly speaks, she manages to communicate fairly efficiently. When she does actually use words they are adorable sounding. Some of our favorites are:

Peas - please

Ah duuuuun - all done

E mana - yes, mama

uh huh (have to hear this to understand the sweet inflection of tone) - yes

babeeeee - Josiah

Mary loves to have books read to her, and will sit in your lap for hours if you have a supply of her favorites close at hand. She doesn't mind having the same book read repeatedly, and will even ask you to start at the beginning of whatever adventure you just finished, so she can hear it again. Goodnight Moon, Good Night, Gorilla, Hand, Hand, Fingers, Thumb, My Many Colored Days are among her all-time best loved. She will at times read to herself, which is about the cutest thing in the world. When you add a small child who can't read, with a small child who doesn't even really speak, and then try to have that same child pretend to read a book the results are comical, endearing, and altogether adorable.

Mary is Daddy's princess. She has him wrapped around his finger, with nothing but a simple kiss to seal any deal. She flirts outrageously with him, and knows that running to his lap will always protect her from whatever onslaught awaits from her older siblings. Daddy is her mighty knight.

She has a penchant for independence, and relishes when the older children are away so that she might have some alone time with the toys. Not so much because she doesn't like to share, but because she is quite content playing quietly, and without interruption. She will sit for long periods of time happily entertaining herself each Wednesday evening when she gets alone time with Nana. I think she probably looks forward to this event greatly, and were she to have any sense of time would be clamoring about it all week.

We are so thrilled that Mary joined our family. What would we do without our Mary Moo? She makes us love her each day. I know that God has an incredible plan for her life, filled with adventure she couldn't possibly dream up on her own. I look forward to watching the show. 

A's and B's

I love order. I like everything to be in its place, and a place for everything. I like routine. And I absolutely LOVE patterns that work out symetrically, or at least aesthetically (sometimes asymetrical has a place... sometimes). For example, I have a picture of each child hanging in my dining room, all in matching frames. I had to add a new frame recently, for Josiah, and I was absolutely tickled when Aaron Brothers had my exact match. I would have seriously considered purchasing all new frames had I not been able to get the one that goes with my existing pattern. Another example is the towels that each child gets when they turn two. We buy a personalized towel from Pottery Barn, in a color that coordinates with a painted initial hung over their bath towel hook by the bathroom. It is killing me that I might have to buy my towels from a new vendor because Pottery Barn doesn't have the color availability to allow each child their own signature hue. I certainly could not MIX my existing towels with others that don't have the same font style! Jesu forfend. I expect my children to cooperate with this quirk of mine. And up until Josiah they were behaving quite well. Let me explain... we have A's, and B's.

Hannah - A baby. She weighed just shy of 8lbs, was 19" long, and has a body type that tends toward the petite. She also has bad allergies, blond hair, and dry skin.

Bethany - B baby. She weighed just shy of 10lbs, was 21+" long, and has a huskier body type. She has very few allergies, with great skin, and brown hair. In fact, it was black at birth!

Caleb - A baby. He weighed just shy of 8lbs, was 19" long, and has a body type that tends toward the petite (sound familiar?). He also has bad allergies, blond hair, and dry skin.

Leah - B baby. She weighed just shy 10lbs, was 21+" long, and has a huskier body type. Shehas very few allergies, great skin, and brown hair which was, like her elder B sister, black at birth.

Mary - (you should see the pattern by now) A baby. She weighed just shy of 8lbs, was 19" long, and has a body type that tends toward the petite. She also has bad allergies, blond hair, and dry skin.

So far, so good. We have a strong A,B,A,B,A pattern, and on top of that a gender pattern of G,G,B,G,G. We knew what we needed. The next baby needed to be a Boy, and a B baby. This would fit into the pattern. So how does Josiah "fit in?" Well, he is a boy, so we know he at least got that part right. But is he a B baby? That is not a question easily answered, and while I adore my little prince, I am quite out of sorts that he isn't fitting into my pattern. Here are the facts:

Josiah - ? baby. He weighed smack dab in the middle of my A's and B's; just shy of 9lbs. He was 21+" inches long, like my B's, but he seems to have petite facial features, like my A's. He has some obvious allergies, but not enough to create the tell-tale at birth eczema that came with my other A's. And even though he wasn't has husky at birth as the other B's, he is by far my biggest baby at this point. In fact, he even has rolls! I love it.

Well, perhaps we have a C baby on our hands - although this would create no shortage of mental anguish on my part as I try and figure out how the pattern will continue. Apparently God doesn't want to be put in a box.

Knock Knock

The kids have gotten into "knock knock" jokes. They especially like to share their version of this timeless treasure at the dinner table. Our meals have been filled with comic relief for the past 2 weeks, and it is a true wonder that I am still sane. Hannah and Bethany try hard to come up with unique twists on double entendre, which sometimes works... and sometimes doesn't. Take the following for example:

Where is gravy's favorite place to go? (we were eating meat and gravy)

Where?

The gravy-yard.

So you get the combination of morbid humor along with your meal. Nice. Sometimes the joke is just plain ridiculous. Enter: Caleb. He has been on a role with a particular knock-knock which he finds to be humor defined. It goes like this:

Knock Knock.

Who's there?

Banana Chippie.

Banana Chippie who?

Banana Chippie your neighborhood.

When we discover the meaning of "banana chippie your neighborhood" I will be sure to blog about it. Until then we can only save for his future therapy, and hope that medicine produces a breakthrough.

Better than...

Caleb was watching me put my makeup on before church yesterday when he began bemoaning the loss of a Christian dvd we used to own. I thought I would take the moment to create educational context to his life. I told him that we didn't need the dvd to tell us the story of Jesus, since we had the Bible.

"The Bible has the real story, buddy. Instead of being sad about missing a dvd, you should be happy that you can read from the Bible anytime. The Bible is the most exciting book we own!"

Caleb thought about this for a moment, obviously pondering the validity of the Bible compared to Skippyjon Jones before proclaiming his judgement. 

"Yep. The Bible is better than a chimp in a banana adventure."

I can't make up this stuff!

Puzzle-ation

Hannah has apparently picked up her mother's knack for making up words when the existing ones just don't seem to cut it! Take this comment she made this morning:

I didn't understand how Josiah's bottle worked. I spent a lot of time in puzzle-ation. Now I see how it works.

Leah

Leah loves life! Vivacious describes her perfectly. She is more animated than any of our other children, and regularly makes us laugh with her antics. If she had a volume control button on her it would be permanently set to "loud", because if it is worth saying it is worth saying with PASSION.

Leah enjoys laughing, and is almost always in a great mood. She bounds around the house, and will skip rather than walk just to be more exuberant. Her energy is infectious, and we often get smiled at by people passing us in stores and outings because of the lighthearted air that constantly surrounds our little sparkler. She has a genuine heart, that can melt the hardest scrooge with her hugs and kisses. And when she snuggles with you it feels wonderful. I think, because of her constant motion, that is makes those moments of quiet even sweeter.

Leah thrives on routine, and really needs her surroundings to be constant in order for her little world to work properly. She requires the same events, in the same order, usually from the same person each day. Being put down for a nap with an errant sock on the floor would never do! And she utterly adores her younger siblings. Both Mary and Josiah receive her constant companionship, love, and care. She thinks of herself as their guardian angel, and only her kisses will sufficiently communicate our family's joy at their addition.

We would be a much quieter, duller family indeed were in not for Leah Caitrin. She brings personality to every meal, laughter to practically any situation, and gusto to our life in all circumstances. We would be lost without our princess. (PS - she picked out the outfit all by herself... another shinning example of her incredible sense of personal style. This is the face you get when you point a camera at her and say, "Smile.")

Bibliophile

I am a bibliophile. I make no apologies, no excuses. In fact, I actively pursue my love with a book club, which keeps me reading all sorts of treasures (the most recent pictured below). I not only have a love of reading books, but I have a love for books themselves. The smell of an old hardback can practically intoxicate me! There is nothing like the feel of a brand new paperback, all soft and floppy in your hand. Smooth glossy covers, ones bound in cloth, short and thin, or heavy with verbosity, reading the words is simply a delight.

I have always loved to read. In fact, I can't remember a time when I didn't have a book sitting on my bedside table. My mother would comb the New York Time's bestseller lists finding new authors for me. Many Christmases were filled with new books, new series, new authors all waiting for me to devour them - that very afternoon!

I have met other people who claim to love books as I do, and not to say there are no others with my same fascination (or some who are far worse), but I do think there are a few points of distinction that should be noted. The following is a checklist you may use to see whether you are a true bibliophile, or merely literate.

1.) Can you pass an entire afternoon lost in a book and never once regret that you were not outside taking in the fresh air?

2.) Do you read the same book over and over, still aching at the sad parts and rejoicing at the resolutions?

3.) Are your bookshelves arranged such that small paperbacks are stacked in two rows per shelf, one behind the other, so as to make more room for them?

4.) Does a gift card to Borders bring a tear of gratefulness to your eye?

5.) Do you have a collection of bookmarks?

6.) Is folding the corner of a page to mark a spot an utter act of treason? (This seperates the readers from the bibliophiles who not only love to read, but love the books themselves)

7.) Can you relate to characters in novels as though they were your old friends?

8.) Does your family recognize that when you are on the couch with a book you may as well be on Mars?

9.) Would you find it torture to be stuck on a plane without a book? It doesn't even have to be a good book!

10.) When faced with an option to buy a book, or just check it out from the library can you always find an excuse to buy it? (Whether you actually follow through on this impulse is a measure of your self-control, not your existence as a bibliophile)

If you answered "yes" to at least eight of the following than welcome to the club. You, my friend are a Bibliophile!

Notme

In case you were wondering how many children we have, the answer is not six. It is seven- Hannah, Bethany, Caleb, Leah, Mary, Josiah and Notme.

Notme joined our family about five years ago, and has remained our constant companion ever since. He is very fun-loving and plays with the toys more than anyone else. He often makes large sculptures using all the organized tupperware from the cupboard. His other favorite game is drawing on surfaces other than paper. In fact, Notme loves this particular activity so much he will try and take credit for it even when one of the other children actually wrote their name to it. Such a selfless little one.

Notme has relationships with all his brothers and sisters, although I think he has a special place in his heart for the ages of three to seven. During these sweet years he enjoys allowing the playdoh to dry out by forgetting to put the lids back on the containers, he breaks valuables, ruins clothes, loses possessions, and purposely tests the boundaries just to make sure Mama and Daddy really mean business. Because he is so selfless he willing takes the responsibility for these actions so his siblings won't get in trouble.

I didn't understand what a wonderful addition to our family Notme would make. I just assumed he would visit for awhile, but we would all realize we didn't need him. I am happy to report that we all saw the error of this thinking, and invited Notme to stay as long as he wished. I only hope that he will provide the same joy to our own children when it is time for him to move in with them as he has brought to us.

Man Law

The name should say it all, but in case it doesn't I am here to try and explain something that has occurred in our house: Man Law.

It happens when you ask your dad a question that doesn't seem to have an easy answer and he replies, "punt".

It is what causes a father to punch his perfectly peaceful son, who is minding his own business, and not receive anything more than a chuckle from said son.

Man Law has no respect for gender, and if you are the "fortunate" female in any given situation prepare to play according to the unwritten rules it sets forth. For instance:

Strictly speaking, interruption of a televised sporting event should involve blood - and even then it is up for debate.

Don't question the need to buy twice as much equipment as necessary for any given adventure. What isn't used is recognized as "research" and validated in the R&D department of his brain.

Under no circumstances should a woman try to understand the timing or priority of correspondence. Men think we have ESP, but with the lack of actual speaking that goes on between their own gender I am convinced it is the other way around. We at least have to communicate our thoughts with words, be they spoken or written. They simply need to be in the same room to count it as quality time.

Decorating of any kind is entirely optional. A poster is not decoration, it is art.

Clothing only hinders a man's wife from truly appreciating the physique of wonder God blessed him with, regardless of how well her cooking has added to the original form.

And the ultimate of all:

Never, ever give up the garage.

Caleb

Caleb Joseph is incredibly tender-hearted. In the quiet morning he will snuggle with me, watching contentedly while Josiah nurses. He quickly becomes upset when he accidentally hurts one of his siblings, and he genuinely adores his older sisters. Caleb soars with excitement when he is allowed to spend the night in the girls' bedroom.

Caleb is a little warrior. His intensity to fight, and protect is evident even at four. His passion and exuberance for life are easily recognizable from spending only a few moments in his company. He makes everyone in our family laugh out loud at his antics, and his willingness to be the point man to anything physical. Wanna see how hard you can throw a pillow at a person before they fall over? Caleb is your man. Wanna check out how high you can throw a person onto the couch? Caleb is game. And anything that has wheels on it counts as heaven in his heart. Bicycles, scooters, skateboards, and roller skates all get equal opportunity to give him their best. He always prevails. He has a natural sense of balance that has wondered his father and I on more than one occasion. For instance, when we thought it was time to take his training wheels off, on his 4th birthday, he only needed Daddy to push him once before he was riding solo with style. 

Our firstborn son is a gentleman, and if God ever blesses him with a wife he will make a wonderful husband. He thanks me for dinner almost every night, telling God in his prayers how delicious and wonderful the meal is (even when he is staring at a bowl of cereal). He also loves to brush my hair, and gently pulls a brush for an eternity all the while telling me how beautiful I am. He is a treasure. I know that God has such an incredible plan for his life, and I pray that he follows after his biblical namesake, taking the land for the Lord!  

Bethany

We had Bethany's middle name narrowed down to Hope or Joy. Her daddy filled out the birth certificate, and what I thought was still up for discussion was apparently not - so Bethany Joy joined our family. Boy, was he right! Bethany has been such a joy, filling our hearts with overflowing love.

Bethany has a soft spirit that makes her an ideal older sister. She loves to play with all her younger siblings, and works hard to include her family in any special treats she earns. Her generous nature includes even her most prized possessions, and hardest earned dollar. I am forever amazed at how quickly she gives of herself so others can feel special. She needs to be with people, and would willingly sleep with her sister or brother every single night. She needs lots of hugs, and cuddles with her daddy each evening to get her fill before going off to bed.

Bethany and I love to shop together! She works hard on chores, and when we go out she always brings her purse to make sure she doesn't miss out on a deal. We enjoy thinking of the little things that might make others in our house smile, and I know we share the joy of buying for others more than for ourselves. I am thrilled that God blessed me with such a tender-hearted daughter. I have great confidence that God plans great things for this little lady.

Hannah

Hannah is an amazing girl! I literally could not run my house without her. People will sometimes offer to take my older girls to "get them out of my hair" and "help me out". Trust me, taking Hannah isn't necessarily a great help!

Hannah has always been blessed with a thorough and responsible personality. Ever since she was little I could trust her to obey, follow directions, and make wise decisions for her age. For example, at three I could ask her to go get my brush, and if she couldn't find my brush she would bring a suitable replacement, such as a comb, rather than simply come back with nothing. Any mission I send her on is usually met with diligence, and she is not afraid to get in and work. When there are chores to be done Hannah will roll up her sleeves and tackle them head on. Best to get them done and over, than let them hang over your head. She will initiate service, and cares for me by cleaning without being asked!

My first born is very independent, and needs moments of solitary time in order to keep sane. As an avid reader she can easily engross herself in a good book and not come up for hours. She has been known to finish a chapter book in a single afternoon. Right now she is enjoying Judy Blume's Tales of a Fourth Grade Nothing. Another of her books which defies understanding is the Body Atlas book, which is written for a 50 year old college educated doctor. She was the one to inform us of what exactly her great-grandmother's pancreatic cancer was doing after she heard the diagnosis and researched it in her book.

I love her dearly. We can sit next to one another for hours reading our own books and enjoying our parallel company. I like the way she problem solves, and tries to find logical answers to her questions before she simply asks. I think she is going to grow into a very intelligent, and self-confident young woman. I am excited to see what God has in store for my Hannah Olive. 

Moses's Basket

Mama, I know why they call it "Moses's basket."

Why, Caleb?

Because that is the basket that they made for Moses so he could go in the water.

The very one.

Eggs

Mary has taken to getting into the refrigerator against our express wishes. Apparently we are not being express enough.

We used to have eggs. They looked like this:

Now they look like this:

We are hoping that the swollen hands and face from the topical exposure of one of her worst allergens will help to express our wishes more clearly.

I personally don't hold out much hope.

Right or Requirement

There seems to be a misunderstanding in our culture between the definition of a "right" and a "requirement". I find, especially in my particular profession, that the misunderstanding goes quite deep. Merriam Websters defines the two with the following:

right: An abstract idea of that which is due to a person or governmental body by law or tradition or nature

require(ment): Consider obligatory; request and expect; make someone do something.

In other words, one gives you freedom while the other takes it away. In case you aren't following my train of thought so far, the two words mean very different things, and are not interchangeable.

Now, what does this have to do with me, my profession, and our culture at large? I am so glad you asked! I believe there are a great many people under the faulty assumption that the right of a woman to earn a college degree, procure gainful employment, and stand on equal footing as men in the professional and academic world is also a requirement for that same woman to obtain all of the above in order to be a contributing member of society, and ultimately personally fulfilled. It is a subtle transition between right to requirement, but it is there nonetheless. And ironically the more determined players in this game tend to be the women themselves! Because the fight for professional and academic equality took such an emotional cost in the women fighting on the battlefront many of my gender think the only way to honor their work is for all women to participate in the corporate or collegiate dream. I must have a higher degree because it is available to me. I must pursue financial independence because the law says employers are not allowed to discriminate against gender. And if I don't see the value in these pursuits I am ignorant, wasting my life, keeping our society in the "dark ages", in short single-handedly undoing the work which took so long to establish.

Right or Requirement? If what those men and women fought for in providing the means of literacy and financial gain to women was about requirement then I am indeed in the wrong. But I don't believe that was the point. I believe the point was to give women the choice to pursue their God-given talents without the hindrance of culturally defined stereotypes. The problem now is that much of our society has swung to the opposite end of the extreme we fought against years ago. Ask the average American woman whether she feels like she can be a contributing member of society staying at home and tending to her family's needs, and I bet you will get some version of the following answer:

I think that it is great if a woman wants to stay home while her children are young.

Hmm, so the first assumption is that a woman can only stay home if she has children, and the second is that those children must be small to boot. But a family is more than small children. A family can be older parents in need of care, a self-employed husband in need of bookkeeping, teenagers requiring gentle guidance through the last phase of adolescents - in short, it can be as diverse as the educational and financial choices now available to those same women. But I don't think it is often seen as a choice that stands on equal footing with the others.

I stand in opposition to this way of thinking. I don't see that a college degree necessarily guarantees any future success in life, and it certainly is no guarantor of happiness. I don't believe that my daughters must pursue financial independence in order to play an important role in their marriages. I don't believe that any woman should feel the pressure to leave their home and families in order to satisfactorily contribute to society, or fulfill their own personal sense of accomplishment. The only thing I recognize as a requirement for success in any pursuit a woman endeavors to achieve is an acknowledgement of Christ as Lord in her life.

"So, whether you eat or drink, or whatever you do, do all to the glory of God." 1 Corinthians 10:31

Obsessive Possessive

Nana coined a new term tonight, "Obsessive Possessive". This is a cross between obsessive compulsive and just plain possessive. Christopher has latched onto it, and promised full notation (perhaps royalties) for every mention in print. It is particularly descriptive of Caleb and his use of toys.

Anecdotes from Odd

We had a great resource of help from our church when Josiah was born. From prayer to meals, we felt so cared for, and loved. One of the best acts of service was from a couple willing to watch our older children so Christopher could be completely focused on me, and the new baby during my labor and delivery. Mr. and Mrs. M are grandparents themselves, but live too far away from their little ones to make regular visits feasible. As a result, my children have been adopted! While Mr. and Mrs. M were here Mrs. M wrote down the funny things my children said to share with me later. I couldn't resist sharing them with you as well!

When Mr. and Mrs. M arrived at our house a Barney DVD was playing. Mrs. M expressed her delight by saying, "I haven't seen Barney in ages!"

Bethany replied, "Well, of course not! You're so old!"

"Now we're not poor with boys!" Hannah announced after Daddy called to tell the kids about Josiah.

The older girls needed a puppy for their game of make-believe and everyone decided Caleb would fit the bill. Hannah explained to Mrs. M, with Bethany agreeing, " Caleb is much better when he's an animal than when he's a boy."

Hannah was pretending to be Maria, the servant for Mrs. M and Bethany. But she almost got into a fistfight with Bethany because Bethany didn't want her to bring her a treat.

No one ever said Caleb was a pacifist. He ate his pizza into the shape of a gun, and proceeded to shoot everyone at the dinner table.

I wrote two thank-you notes, just in case the damage from the shooting was irreversible. 

Perspective

I received this for Josiah's birth. I think it sums things up beautifully.

A Mom's Version of First Corinthians 13

If I live in a house of spotless beauty with everything in its place, but have not love, I am a housekeeper - not a homemaker.

If I have time for waxing, polishing, and decorative achievements, but have not love, my children learn of cleanliness - not godliness.

Love leaves the dust in search of a child's laugh.

Love smiles at the tiny fingerprints on a newly cleaned window.

Love wipes away the tears before it wipes up the spilled milk.

Love picks up the child before it picks up the toys.

Love is present through the trials.

Love reprimands, reproves, and is responsive.

Love crawls with the baby, walks with the toddler, runs with the child, then stands aside to let the youth walk into adulthood.

Love is the key that opens salvation's message to a child's heart.

Before I became a mother I took glory in my house of perfection.

Now I glory in God's perfection of my child.

As a mother there is much I must teach my child, but the greatest of all is love.

The Great Toy Switch of 2007

Christmas 2007

One of the blessings of a large family are special days, like Christmas. We had a fantastic time watching little ones open presents, listen to Daddy read the Christmas story from the Bible, and spend time with extended family. We celebrate Christmas in a two-day staged affair. Because we go to our aunt's house for a large family gathering on Christmas evening we have moved the present opening to Christmas Eve. This gives us a full day to take our time opening and playing with presents, and still get to Christmas Eve candlelight service. Then Christmas morning we have a hot breakfast, read the Christmas story, play with all our new toys, and finally have dinner with grandparents, aunts, uncles, and cousins. We have lots of sweet memories, but I think one of the best is the "Great Toy Switch of 2007". 

Nana worked hard to find something special for each child. She took my advice in what the little girls would like, and purchased an incredibly realistic shopping cart for Leah. It has all the look and feel of the ones Mama uses at the grocery store, complete with baby holder in the front. For Mary she bought a Little People airplane that plays music, comes with three new figurines, and has a handle so she can carry it around with her.

Both girls were napping when we set out the shopping cart, along with a ride-on scooter for Mary and a few more presents, including the airplane, that were still wrapped. We assumed the girls would get up from their nap and Mary would get her ride-on, while Leah got the shopping cart. Mary woke up first, and came down to finish her present extravaganza. We had the camera rolling to see her reaction when she saw her ride-on, but she made a beeline for Leah's grocery cart. The test drive turned into an obsession with placing everything into the cart and walking to the kitchen and back, kitchen and back, kitchen and back. We laughed about how we were going to get Mary to give up the cart when Leah came down. The longer Leah slept, the more Mary pushed that shopping cart, the more apparent it became that Leah was not getting it back! What were we going to do? The shopping cart was supposed to be Leah's "big" present from her Nana. There was only one solution.

When Leah came downstairs from her nap we presented her with the present from Nana. You can imagine her surprise when she unwrapped a new Little People airplane! She never even gave more than a passing glance to the shopping cart. Later in the evening Nana asked Leah if she liked her new airplane (she was spinning around in circles while pretending to fly the plane), or if she liked the grocery cart better. Leah didn't even stop spinning in order to answer that she much preferred the airplane.

There hasn't been even a hint of jealousy between the girls and "their" presents.

Jesus Rode A Donkey

Leah performed in our church's Christmas musical this past weekend. One of the songs she sang was about Mary riding a donkey into Bethelehem just before birthing Baby Jesus. In typical Leah fashion she transposed the characters in the song, and she now sings - constantly - about Jesus riding a donkey into Bethelehem. We have tried to explain that it is Mary who rode the donkey, but she is not interested in change. Caleb, especially, finds Leah's song tedious. And I must admit that after hearing it some 500 times in less than 10 minutes it can grate on you. Try it for yourself. Watch the following video, and then replay it continuously for the entire day!

Homeschool Giggles

This quick video, made by a large homeschooling family about homeschooling is HILARIOUS. I only wish we could provide you with a video of Odd, but this comes pretty close!

A Homeschooling Family

The Christmas Tree

My mom and I are very different in our tastes. She is eclectic psychedelic 60's, I am tailored Pottery Barn. We have always been opposite in many respects. For instance, growing up she saw nothing wrong with a fake tree, which is heretical to me. She also likes multi-colored lights... and bulbs. To top it off she puts on the odd, and unmatched "special" ornaments that, in my humble opinion, ruin the entire feng shui of a tree. At least we didn't do the blinking light thing (very often). So when I "grew up and got mt own house" you better believe I did it MY WAY. Fresh tree, white lights, gold and burgundy bulbs, ribbon, and nothing to shock the delicate balance of harmony. I loved it. And so began my Christmas tree tradition.

It grew as our family grew. I do accept tasteful Hallmark ornaments, and we involve the kids with choosing and cutting down our own tree. But the lights are my deal (it takes a Jedi to know exactly how to string lights on a tree - I learned it from my mom - whose method was good, it was just the color I abhorred). I also do the bulbs, and well, everything else about decorating the tree. People ask me about letting my kids help, and I inform them that we do so many things in our home which involve the kids I do not feel guilty in the least that I get the Christmas Tree. I have given up the walls in my home, which are now oddly covered in artwork taped wherever the whim carried the artist. I have given up my vehicle, which now houses noisy toys playing badly tuned electronic versions of classical masterpieces. I gave up my privacy, body, sanity, in essence my being in order to serve the little people in my care. I AM NOT GIVING UP THE CHRISTMAS TREE.

A few years ago the older girls started asking when they could help decorate the tree. I told them that this was Mama's special thing, and they may never get to do it. When they grew up and had their own homes....

Last year I finally gave in and allowed them to help with the bulbs, and even an occasional Hallmark ornament. Of course I supervised everything, and admittedly went back after they had gone to bed in order to rearrange some of their finer choices in composition. It about killed me.

Then Josiah was born, and now everything is ruined. In the first place we had to go to Kris Kringle "Lot o' Trees" to buy our tree because there was no way we were making it as a family into the Santa Cruz mountains with Mama lugging Josiah. We all agreed it was a doable solution that will instantaneously be thrown down next year when we go back to our favorite spot and cut our own tree. We picked our tree out on Monday, and by Friday it still had not a lick of anything remotely decorative upon it. The week was admittedly crazy, but the kids were becoming anxious. The natives were restless. Christopher and I finally promised them we would decorate the tree on Saturday. And then disaster struck, and I have lost my tree forever.

Josiah disagreed with some chocolate I ate (I know), and was very gassy and fussy starting at 4am Saturday morning. He also decided to throw a little growth spurt in there, and by Saturday afternoon I thought I was going to lose my mind. Between trying to burp him and feed him I barely had time to pee, let alone appreciate decorating a Christmas tree. But a promise to an 8, 6 and 4 year old is a matter of life and death. I managed to get the lights up, with the newly acquired assistance of Hannah, but when the actual decorating was about to begin, complete with "help" from Hannah, Bethany and Caleb, I had to sit and nurse for the millionth time. I suddenly could not manage bulb placement, let alone bulb selection. I could only coach from the side lines. By the end of the night I was hearing things like:

Why don't we use more colored bulbs?
I like the lights when they blink.
How come we can't put tinsel on the tree?

When you grow up and have your own home...

Confessions of an Ogre

You might imagine that Odd, like other lands, has its monsters. We do. But instead of the Ogre from fairytales Odd has something called a Mother.

The older girls learned about Santa Lucia in Sunday School yesterday and were struck by the beautiful service the tradition of Santa Lucia describes. The story goes that Lucy was a young girl in Rome during the Christian persecution of the early church after Christ's crucifixion. She brought food to the Christians hiding in the catacombs. On December 13, the longest night of the year, she was carrying so much food that she had nowhere to hold her candle, so she placed in a wreath which she wore on her head. To this day a very popular tradition in much of Scandinavia is for a young girl of the house to dress in a white gown with a red sash around her waist and a wreath of candles on her head and go throughout the house in the early morning serving baked goods to each member of the family.

So Hannah and Bethany thought they would surprise our family by performing this tradition in our home. They asked the ugly Mother if they could be allowed to wake early the following morning to perform their surprise. Mother agreed, and all thought the day would be fine. But everyone should know that a Mother is never to be trusted!

The girls were intending on waking at 7:30am to get about their "plan" but alas they did not rise until nearly 8:15. This threw a wrench in the timing of their production, but as still relatively young children their concept of improvising was limited and they just plugged right along oblivious to any conflicts their lateness might cause. Mother was taking a much needed nap after Josiah's early morning feed, and the rest of the children were sleeping. Bethany was fixing everyone's cereal bowl complete with their own personal pitcher of milk for pouring, and arranging them on a pancake griddle (using it as a platter for carrying), while Hannah was making a crown for Bethany to wear. The girls had even picked out their clothes the night before - Bethany wore her white flower girl dress from her Aunnie C's wedding with a red long-sleeved shirt tied around her waist for a sash. All was going well, until...

At 8:30 Mary decided to start seriously squawking. We installed the tent on her crib last night and she was not pleased that she no longer had unrestricted access out of her bed. Simultaneous to that Josiah decided to start crying after a measly hour+ nap, and Mother's anticipated rest was going down the drain. Josiah quieted with a pacifier, but the girls were nowhere to be found to take the other children down for breakfast. Mother went looking for them. When she arrived downstairs Bethany was heartbroken that her surprise was ruined. Hannah was trying to finish the crown, and the only thing Mother could think of was how tired she was, and how much she wanted Mary to stop squawking. Mother ordered one of the girls to go up and tell the other children that it was time to get up and eat breakfast (they had instructed their younger siblings to stay in bed for a surprise, and miraculously they obeyed). Hannah did so, but in the meantime Mary got her hackles up and needed to be disciplined by the now thoroughly agitated Mother. Finally all the children (save Josiah who was finally sleeping again) were downstairs but Mary was still in a funk. Mother had to come down to discipline her again, and noticed that Hannah was more concerned about the surprise than the very real hunger of her siblings. This is where the volatile nature of Mothers comes into play, and why they are the equivalent of the Ogre.

Mother exclaimed that she was sorry their surprise was ruined but since they got up later than intended they were going to need to deal with the reality of serving breakfast without all the details. Bethany even poured Mother cereal but all Mother wanted to do was go back upstairs and take a NAP! Mother snapped at Hannah who was trying to help, snapped at Mary who was not trying to help, and snapped at Bethany who was simply hurt.

Ogre.

Mother realized that she was ruining this precious moment her children had tried to orchestrate for her. And she apologized for hurting their feelings. Of course she still only wanted to go upstairs and sleep for a hundred years, but that is another fairytale creature not a Mother. Her children forgave her, but Mother is afraid she has ruined their hearts forever, and they will never initiate this kind of surprise again.

To any other Mother out there that lives like an Ogre sometimes...

2 Corinthians 12:9
But he [the Lord] said to me, "My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness." Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ's power may rest on me.

We are not superhuman in Odd. We are very ordinary, with very ordinary ups and downs. If there is anything unique about us, let it be our very extraordinary God.

Instructions For Use

Please read the following instructions tag attached to my Boppy brand nursing pillow.

Okay, so let's walk this through...

1 - Read before each use. Um, right. First of all the tag is attached to the pillow which is housed in a Boppy designed cover. So to even GET to the tag you would need to remove the cover every single time. It doesn't take a genius to realize the absurdity of going through the process of reading the tag when your newborn is screaming for food. What do they think we will do? "Wait a minute Jr. Mama knows you are hungry, but I haven't read the tag in the last 3 hours so I don't remember what I am not supposed to do."

2 - Do not allow baby to lie face down or fall asleep on this or any other pillow. This seems fairly self-explanatory except that one of the larger advertised uses for the pillow is giving your infant safe support for "tummy time." Yea. That's where your child lies face down across the pillow to help build trunk and neck muscles. So how exactly does one accomplish that dichotomy? And falling asleep with the pillow is another good piece of advice. I should put baby to sleep in his cradle. Of course I am not allowed to ever leave baby unattended in his cradle, but that is another tag.

3 - Do not use in bed or crib. Now here I think they may actually have a valid point. Large pillows, stuffed animals, fluffy comforters can create suffocation risks. I assume they mean the child's bed. They certainly mean the child's crib since, last time I read the tag, my bed is not a crib. But then the last line causes me to reevaluate even this piece of noble advice.

4 - Only use on floor. Okay, after all the above ridiculousness you mean to tell me that I have to sit on my FLOOR every time I want to nurse my baby? Yep, that's what it means. If you look at their website all the mamas pictured are sitting, cross-legged, on the ground. Hmmmm, sounds comfy don't it? Just think, you had a baby last week, your bottom is a little tender... or better yet you had a cesarean and can't even lower yourself into a sitting-on-the-floor position without the aid of a crane and narcotics, yet here this charming little tag (which you must read before every use) sufficiently removes any ounce of comfort you may experience from the use of the product by its own instructions.

It would be great if the child himself came with such detailed instructions for use!

Number 100

Congratulations, you are reading our 100th post on Letters From Odd! I thought I would take a second to scroll back through our archives and give you a few of my favorite moments in Odd. Do you have a favorite memory from this not-so-fairy-tale-land? We would love to hear about it!

Tomato May 26, 2006

Wisdom From Experience June 1, 2006

Imelda Marcos Eat Your Heart Out June 16, 2006

Treatski Kapoopski July 25, 2006

Nope, let me change that - Digger Man August 31, 2006

It's Coffee September 10, 2006

Breakfast Theater December 13, 2006

Phonics, Or The Study Of How I Learned To Mispronounce Words January 22, 2007

Blah Blah Blah January 26, 2007

Entrepreneurial Skilz February 23, 2007

Hole In Your Head June 14, 2007

Dagarate July 18, 2007

Operatic Knuckles August 10, 2007

The Hulk October 11, 2007

The Ride Home October 23, 2007

Josiah Edward November 26, 2007

We look forward to the next 100 posts!